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In High School I would spend my spare time working at homeless shelters and soup kitchens. And I never would have said it at the time, but I hated every moment of it. But I felt I had to do it. I felt it was my mission.

I wouldn’t say I was very successful either. I didn’t feel I made a big difference at the organizations, and all the time I spent going door-to-door to find jobs for the homeless – I didn’t get a single one.

I felt a shift 10 years later when I volunteered at Miriam’s Kitchen for the early morning breakfast shifts. I learned how much chronic homelessness is connected to mental health. I had thought I could solve the problem at the level of food and work, when there was a much deeper story at play.

Catherine Crum, the Deputy Director, asked me to spend more time with a man named Carl. I sat down at his table, started talking, and the most interesting thing happened… Carl became my mentor. I would listen to his poetry, offer feedback and then he advised me on my life in a way that may have been psychic. I would barely say a word, but he would somehow know what what was going on and what I needed to hear.

I started to love volunteering at Miriam’s Kitchen, even though it was at five in the morning! I liked the other volunteers, and the clients would tell me their conspiracy theories over coffee and a newspaper, as I would hand out vitamins, cold medicine and toiletries.

I didn’t realize what was really happening to me until I read the work of Osho…

“How to save others? Save yourself! The problem is inside. It projects it on the outside world…Don’t try to change anybody. Just change yourself. And it happens. When you change, many come to share you in your light. Share — but don’t try to save. Many will be saved that way.” – From Come Follow to You.

I laughed when I realized if I want to save the world, I need to save the world from ME! By projecting a state of brokenness onto the world, I had kept myself in guilt and pain during those high school years. And no one ended up benefiting.

Focus on changing yourself, and the world will change with you. Does this sound too selfish to be true?

I used to think so. Until I read a story about Mother Theresa’s Orphanage from Lynne Twist’s The Soul of Money:

This is where I had an awakening…

I thought that the nun would be upset to see the problem growing larger – to know that the already crowded orphanage would be further tested. At best I thought she would sigh and accept the new baby. Instead, the opposite happened…

That’s when I realized the secret to saving the world. The secret is to fall in love with the problem. Not to hate it.

I know, it sounds crazy, but the business world keeps proving that the companies that fall in love with solutions are the ones that fail. They’re blinded by their silver bullet approach. They can’t see deeper and they can’t change it when they need to.

“Fall in love with the problem, not the product.”  (If you’re an entrepreneur, read this manifesto and watch the video at the end).

So if you’re thinking about what to do with your life and how you can make a difference, think about all your ideas and opportunities. Look at them and see the problem that you want to solve.

And now ask yourself, with steadfast truth… “Do I look at this problem and love it? Does it make me feel alive to engage with it and wrestle with it? Do I welcome every new instance I see of it, feeling more and more alive?

If so, then you’re following the path of greatness, the path of genius. It’s the joy that Mother Teresa felt for every homeless child. It’s that divine insanity that Edison experienced as he tried 10,000 fibers to make the light bulb, none of which he considered to be a failure.

You may be focused on your own myopic universe, but when you look up from that laser focused joy, you will see the world brightly illuminated around you, with nothing to save, and everything to give.

I’m sure you’ve seen many TED talks, such as Jill Bolte’s real-time description of witnessing her own stroke. Or Simon Simek’s game changing exposé of what’s really driving leadership (and marketing). And then there’s the more risque, such as Nicole Daedone’s explanation (and how-to instruction) on women’s orgasms saving the world.

The TED conference undoubtedly revolutionized speaking and education: They limited speakers to 18 minutes, forcing them to focus, while inspiring them to create what’s called a “TED moment” – a standing ovation that goes on and on. And those moments are hardly random. The curators work tirelessly to find material that’s new and counterintuitive, so it has that shock value. And then there’s what’s become the formula. Heller describes it perfectly:

1. Opening of direct address

2. Narrative of personal stake

3. A research summary

4. A précis of potential applications

5. A revelation to drive it home

6. And ending that says, “Go forth and help humanity.”

I loved all of this when there was simply the TED talk in southern California. But my energy and passion for it has waned as the brand extended through TEDx. Anyone can apply to host a local version of TED, and there are now five a day throughout the world. It’s certainly not “easy” to get approved, and it comes with a 136-page manual to execute it. But now the number of talks is overwhelming and the quality certainly suffers.

In a way, it’s a brilliant combination of open and closed systems.  What is open vs closed? Apple is the most famous example of a closed system – it’s totally regulated. Its code based is not shared, and anyone on the system (such as app creators) need to be approved. Open systems (Linux, Android) allow everyone to play in the name of innovation and free markets as the best drivers of progress. Closed systems focus on quality control to maintain a consistent experience, while open systems focus on crowdsourcing the new ideas.

Now I wonder if TED is embracing the worst of each world – the low quality of high proliferation, and then the formulaic process, akin to a Hollywood story format that gets used over and over again. Yes, when done right, it can be both entertaining and life changing. But now we have to sort through more and more content to find them. I think we now need a curator for all this curated content.

 

I’ll share that idea in my next post.

Just take a look at our fascination with shows like Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Wire, The Sopranos (etc). We want to experience these emotions, but safely from the comfort of our own sofa. But if we don’t have a way to bring that sense of excitement into our own lives (without destroying them), then we will constantly be stuck at home watching TV, and our memories become the shows we’ve watched, instead of real life.

Let’s start with what the word drama means (and by the way, if you ever want to get to the core of a discussion, debate or argument, then start by defining your terms. You would not believe how often people argue about something that they’re not even talking about).

Drama is the sense that anything can happen, and stakes are high.  (read that over a couple times).

Now, notice there is nothing inherently wrong, evil, bad or destructive about this, though it certainly can be. Here is the most basic example of drama and its power to engage: If you walk by a poker room in a casino, all the tables look the same, then you’re not likely to stop and watch.  But if someone says, “I’m all in,” and they move all their chips to the middle, then they have our attention… Anything can happen, and the stakes are high. Suddenly life is interesting.

So how does that become healthy?  Think about it in the context of getting what you want out of life… I wanted to write my own book, so my coach said, “How long do you think it will take to finish it?” I said, “A month.”  But he knew I would procrastinate, so he told me to get out my check book. Then he talked about finding an organization I would never support. We looked online and found a group that clearly supported hate crimes. He had me write a check for $300 to that group and said, “I’m going to take this. If you don’t have your book to me by the end of the month, I’m sending them this check.”  Anything could happen, and stakes were high. I completed my book in less than 3 weeks.

Another example: A friend of mine is the CEO of a start-up and his team was not performing well. He called them together and decided to add a bit of drama… He shared, in full sincerity that he wanted to step down as CEO because he believed he was not the person who could lead and inspire them. To his surprise the team vehemently disagreed. They loved him and believed he was the best CEO, but they had disengaged because they were rebelling. They wanted more time with him, and their lack of performance came out of their feeling resentment. He was re-energized but decided to put both him and them to a test. He said, “Let’s pick one big audacious task for each of us to complete. I will do one as well. If we all complete it by midnight tomorrow, then I’ll know we are all truly engaged and I’ll stay on and move forward.” Anything could happen, and stakes were high.  The team rallied together and all tasks were completed by midnight.

Of course, it could have gone the other way. But that’s why it’s great. Drama brings out what’s really there, and what we’re really committed to.

All of this is a theory I’m working on. It’s clearly not fully thought out. To me it brings up questions like, how much drama do we need? When does it become stressful? What are the catalysts or triggers that bring up the need?  I’d love to hear your thoughts or stories. I believe it may apply to relationships as well. My working hypothesis is that those who consciously create drama, rather than trying to avoid it, tend to be the most successful and happy people.

I have a lot of ideas, and a lot of projects I want to start. And yet, I know that focus is the key. I used to think I could just try a lot of things. You know – throw them up against the wall and see what sticks. But then I realized that’s a way of rationalizing my doing a half-assed job at a lot of things and expecting luck to show up.

And yet, how can I just focus on one thing? That is so boring. I took a look at what I’m most excited about and what I need, and I came up with the The Three Point Focus Strategy…

 

This is the focus that pays the bills. It’s the area where you have the skills to deliver value to a customer consistently (and that customer may be your employer). You also have the passion to do it, so that you don’t burn out. And lastly, there’s a market for it. This is your top priority because without it, everything will turn to shit, fast.   For me, this is my culture consulting business, and my first book, the Culture Blueprint. If you are having trouble with this as a business, check out Business Model Generation. If you are having trouble with this as an individual (employee or freelancer) then check out Business Model You. If you know what you want, but you’re just having trouble getting a job, check out The Two Hour Job Search.

So there you have it. Select your three to focus on, and give the majority of your time to number 1.